one word at a time

Shelves 2

2012-01-23T15:58:00.000-08:00

I have been creating things

since I was two - drew my grandpa's

back in Port A, outlined

your face before I met you.

I made the yellow

ceramic bowl you now fill

with avocado in my mother's kitchen.

Tomorrow we will take

the bookshelf I built to our new house,

fill it with the poetry you read

at the end of each day.

I bury my head in the sounds

of these words, press my

lips to your collarbone

as you stand over the sink.

How is it that you will be my wife

forever? That we might live long

enough together to mourn

our parent's deaths, watch

our children's feet walk

up the trail I cleared when

creating things was simple?

Shelves

2012-01-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

I like to build things

with my hands,

with wood.

My wife reads

poetry at the end

of each day. I bury

my head in these words,

press my lips

to her collar-bone.

Our furniture sits

around the new house.

Nothing but the kitchen

table has its home yet.

I made a bookshelf

today for the words

we've collected

together.

monday

2012-01-09T10:27:00.001-08:00

I drive my car to work everyday, hop on the 101 S and take the Carrillo exit to The Village apartments. They are nestled between the freeway and a hill that is covered in wispy, tall, green grass. It reminds me of the rain forest because the surface is always damp and shiny. The ocean is just beyond the hill but you cannot see it from this side. When I drive to work I often wish I was riding the bus or my bike so I could check it off my "better human list." Oh, look I am conserving energy, I am a part of the global community, I am not so individualistic, blah blah blah. There is a bus-stop right by our new home and I will use it when I move in after the wedding. Today I didn't worry too much about the check-list though because I was overwhelmed by the song "How Great Thou Art." I actually haven't liked this hymn in recent years because it reminds me of a giant, white congregation singing at the top of its lungs with only a male preacher pounding his fist. In some ways I appreciate this and cling to it because I find my roots there, but now I prefer a smaller congregation and more colors.

My life has been so busy planning the wedding, the holidays, the trips, then the fire at The Village. I want to refrain from saying that because it's such an easy out and it's a phrase and lifestyle my culture is addicted to. But right now it is so and the 7 minute drive to work has become a little hiatus from the bustle. Thankfully, the stereotypical picture that enters my mind when I hear this hymn was covered up by a picture of our wedding and some of the sweet ones I have built relationships with at The Village. They were witnessing communion and we were dancing. So, good morning Monday and here is to the greatness of God that he would find me and create beauty through and around me:

Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel he gentle breeze;

And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die - I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Village Fire: 12.31.11

2012-01-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

Belongings

Watch your step

over the door.

(their door)

Do not touch

the smoked walls.

(their walls)

Put the mask on

your mouth so you can

breath. Do not breath

in the nothing (not yours) that remains.

home in FL with my grandparents

2011-12-02T23:23:00.000-08:00

The little stream sings

in the crease of the hill.

It is the water of life. It knows

nothing of death, nothing.

And this is the morning

of Christ's resurrection.

The tomb is empty. There is

no death. Death is our illusion

our wish to belong only

to ourselves, which is our freedom

to kill one another.

From this sleep may we too

rise, as out of the dark grace.

- Wendell Berry, Given

the village, A Hector Story

2011-11-26T00:45:00.000-08:00

We are in Dripping Springs, TX right now and headed to Dallas tomorrow where I will meet the rest of my soon to be family. Pec's mom DorRae is from Dallas and we are going to her mother's house for a a get together she is having for me and Pecos, since we are going to married people in about 2 months.

I have been itching to blog, to put words to the stories I have lived now that I work full time at The Village on the Westside in Santa Barbara. Here is one I have told and retold but it captures the sense of community we all long for.

Hector is almost 7. He sits on the edge of the sidewalk in front of the parking lot of the community center entrance. His red t-shirt and dark blue jeans that just reach the top of his skate shoes outline his small frame. His long eye-lashes stand out against his brown skin and feathery eyebrows. Next to him are two boys a couple years older. I hear one of them say, "Dude, I miss my dad. He's been gone for a long time." The other one shrugs and mumbles, "Me too." Hector starts to blink and look up at the perfectly blue sky. He smells the ocean air and sighs, "Yea guys I miss my dad too, it sucks not having him here." Both of the other boys stare blankly at Hector and then shove him gently while exclaiming, "Bro, you have a dad, he is here all the time, what are you talking about?" Hector smiles, "I know but I just want to fit in."

...brothers and sisters, be gentle and bear one another's burdens. We become sons and daughters of God by doing so...

to be...a wife, a husband, a mother in law

2011-09-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

I guess I don't have much to complain about when my soon to be mother in law asks me why I haven't been doing much of the thing I really cherish: writing. I don't have a good answer except for lack of discipline and the coffee shop I spend too many hours at, brewing Pike's Place and hoping no one will order it because it tastes like you are giving yourself acid reflux disease.

Not to worry, I have at least been thinking about writing, especially on Thursdays when I get to spend 2 hours with a handful of incredible kids. We spent the summer reading and writing together in hopes of forming community, confidence, and "stuff." Don't you just want to make something? Write something? Sing something? Dance or draw something? I feel a bit suffocated when the creative tentacles of my being have coiled up in the passenger seat of my car because I drive more than I walk or I plan more than I sit.

Here is some "stuff" I worked on in London after attending Evensong at St. Paul's Cathedral.

Purple

Richard, Bishop of the diocese

in London for The Church of England,

wears a purple robe with long sleeves

tight at the wrists. His hair white, skin pink,

his glasses thick-rimmed and black –

the tip of his cartilaged nose catches the arch

between each lens as he reads chapter

forty from the book of Exodus.

“Here ends the first lesson,” He says.

On that day, after the second lesson,

there was a third. It began as I

followed the feet of an eight year old

girl from the burgundy choir stalls

to the waistband of the purple man.

After she darted and slid her way

through the less-interested crowd, she arrived –

thumb in mouth, golden teddy-bear in right hand.

She pushed the long, brown hair from her eyes,

pointed her chin towards his cartilage,

blinked, and muttered,

“Can I have a blessing please?”

“Certainly.”

Taupe age spots on his hands

rounded on her head – she stood,

chin still out, thumb removed, eyes closed.

Later over dinner she cocked

her blessed head in my direction and said,

“The purple blessing man and God told me,

‘Come as you are.’”

Mothers

2011-05-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

For a Mother
by: John O'Donohue

Mother,
Your voice learning to soothe
Your new child
was the first home-sound
we heard before we could see.

Your young eyes
gazing on us
was the first mirror
where we glimpsed
what to be seen
could mean.

Mother,
Your nearness tilled the air,
an umbilical garden for all the seeds
of thought that stirred in our infant hearts.

You nurtured and fostered this space
to root all our quietly gathering intensity
that could grow nowhere else.

Mother,
formed from the depths beneath your heart,
you know us from the inside out.
No deeds or seas or others
could ever erase that.

2011-04-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading Pablo Neruda last night, one of his final works, El Libro de Las Preguntas. He ends his life with this body of work and it is so childlike and simple. Neruda is extremely provocative and urges his readers to explore the body - for all the the things I wouldn't dare say in English, well maybe I would, he says them so beautifully in Spanish.

I am also reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke and I thought this worth repeating:
"to keep growing, silently and earnestly, through your whole development; you couldn't disturb it any more violently than by looking outside and waiting for outside answers to questions that only your innermost feeling, in your quietest hour, can perhaps answer."

Also here is a poem, not yet edited, inspired by both above artists:

Your Shoes

We have left each other

my love and I feel very little,

only an empty stomach.

I thought about putting on your shoes tonight.

I did not think about your hands

under my shirt

or even your lips on my knuckles.

If I could only burrow

my long, cold feet

into your shoes –

What pair?

It doesn't matter,

you don't have many.

Not sandals.

I want what is yours to contain me,

holding the places I go

in your soul.

Then perhaps,

I will be with you

still

in your coming and going.

the best way I know how

2011-04-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

I babysit a little girl named Isabella whose mother is a Westmont professor. She is turning eight in July and we will celebrate her birthday in London together. I am traveling with her family as a nanny so her mom can finish her PHD research. A very massive, unexpected gift from God.

I am babysitting tonight actually. Earlier today I called her mom, Jamie, to let her know "what happened," meaning that Pecos and I have decided not to stay together. Jamie is very good with words, an English professor, so I figured she would help Isabella understand why Pecos won't be coming over for dinner or playing horses with her and also why it is important to be sensitive to me. Of course the first words out of Isabella's mouth as I walked in were, "Katie, what happened?" She looked so puzzled and angry. Her little form was comforting. Jamie just put her hand on the small of my back gave me that, "I am so sorry face."

In that moment I couldn't say very much, but Isabella has gone to bed and perhaps now I can thank her for her abrupt speech.

I don't know what happened, Isabella. All I really know today is that God is faithful. All I knew yesterday and the day before was how to follow and not how to understand that faithful God of ours. Maybe in the coming weeks I will gain some clarity and insight, but perhaps not.

Isabella is a very independent little girl, highly intelligent, disturbingly creative, sneaky and deeply caring. She was allowed to pick out a show before bed and she found it fitting to choose "BugsTime: Joy to the World." This is basically the story of Christmas told through the perspective of ants, strange yet provocative. Weepy and feeling nauseatingly empty I slowly unfolded on the couch allowing this cartoon plus Isabella's soft smile to remind me that I'm okay.

on Lent, by Henri Nouwen

2011-03-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Discerning the Presence

The Gospels are filled with examples of God's presence in the word. Personally, I am always touched by the story of Jesus in the synagogue of Nazareth. There he read from Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
for he has anointed me
to bring good news to the afflicted.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives,
sight to the blind,
to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim a year of favor from the Lord.

(Luke 4:18-19)

After having read these words, Jesus said, "This text is being fulfilled today even while you are listening." Suddenly, it becomes clear that the afflicted, the captives, the blind, and the oppressed are not people somewhere outside of the synagogue who, someday, will be liberated; they are the people who are listening. And it is in the listening that God becomes present and heals.

The Word of God is not a word to apply in our daily lives at some later date; it is a word to heal us through, and in, our listening here and now.

The questions therefore are: How does God come to me as I listen to the word? Where do I discern the healing hand of God touching me through the word? How are my sadness, my grief, and my mourning being transformed at this very moment? Do I sense the fire of God's love purifying my heart and giving me new life? These questions lead me to the sacrament of the word, the sacred place of God's real presence.

2011-03-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

Scooting

What I know so far is:

I am becoming a poet.

I hate the word becoming.

I know, I know – the process is often just

as important as the product, but

does anyone notice?

Not always

does my effort to become look

like a baby attempting to crawl –

a scoot and squash episode

across the carpet, now I have a rash;

I am so helpless, distracted, and hungry –

but often.

Babies of this ripe age

string together a series of coos and clucks,

boldly declaring their opinions.

Are they blessing their growing pains?

Perhaps,

but these babies also cry and kick

and puke – wail in frustration

until some guardian scoops up

the poor, rashy bum.

I, of course, am not an infant

but to learn proper pronunciation

must be an eternal quest.

Have you ever watched a baby

gaze at what surrounds us?

Sit still and look dear poet.

twenty eleven

2011-01-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

or two-thousand and eleven
Welcome New Year. Thank you for arriving in modest fashion.

A good friend recently finished writing for a small newspaper in Colville, Washington to pursue more southern things. Her final piece encouraged me to reflect on this past year because well, it is worth it. It is worth noting the things I left behind, those I gained, things I have learned, those yet to learn. Not any more important, but definitely not less is the collective reflection on our towns, our states (although many might have a foot in two or three), our nation, and our earth. What happened to the land we walk upon - growth? catastrophe? both?

The last year, for me, was a shuffle. Returning from Ecuador, graduating, roadtripping across the nation, "un-settling" in Santa Barbara, working odd jobs, and trips to and fro to visit friends and family in between. I was in a terminal of my life , if you will, waiting to be transported. I have learned that spending time in that terminal might be just as noteworthy as spending time in a destination.

I have not yet coined a term or phrase with which to build a framework for this new year. I suppose growth and maturity, even patience. Maybe patience will sound easier if I put it in Spanish "la paciencia." It doesn't necessarily sound hard, please allow my to clarify.

The word patience sounds so long.

It is my impatience that shows me, more than any other venial sin, a preview of the fragility of my spirit - patience with my friends, patience with my father and mother, patience with how long it actually takes me to do something well, patience with an untidy kitchen, patience with the most tender of men whose hand I touch almost daily, patience with policy...

It takes patience with myself to receive patience from those who love me so well. Thank you dear ones.

la paciencia
patience
la paciencia

When it rained heavily in Santa Barbara I was away for Christmas. I came home to a small, unkempt yard full of overgrown weeds. I was only gone for 2 weeks. If I were to sit on the back porch of our small house and watch my Italian Basil plant until I could use my gardening sheers to cut it's leaves and make pesto...well, I would not be practicing patience.

Good things take a while. And God's timing is much better than mine.

Flowery Branch, GA

2010-12-15T11:29:00.000-08:00

I will gladly be a collector of Southern inflections. I do not need a shelf to prize them and they always re-member me.

advent 1

2010-12-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

I have never touched death
like my grandmother did when Bev died.
I slept close to it once but she slipped
through the hands of her children,
my door left closed.

I have only watched it
through a glass television screen,
two-dimensional and dusty

or read of it,
my body stiff and awkward,
as unwrinkled hands hold the newspaper
and feel something for someone unknown.

I sense though, that when the sun rises
on a gray day, already beaten with worry and fear,
light must conquer it
and hope must be real.

thank you Lizzy

2010-11-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

In light of giving thanks and daydreaming about spending this holiday with dear friends:

The weight is like pounds of bread dough being piled up
waiting
expecting
to become something.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

2010-11-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

...in light of VH

title: big sea

I looked at you tonight.

You just stared back at me,
eyes the color of black water.

I couldn't see your pupils widen
or the creases in your smile.

Engulfed and small,
I cried because I can't bear your weight.

The salty droplets softened my view and
the white, foamy crests
became inviting.

unedited and untitled

2010-11-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

I looked at you tonight,
big sea.

You just stared back at me,
eyes the color of black water.

I couldn't see your pupils widen
or the creases in your smile.

Engulfed and small
I couldn't bare your weight so I cried.

The salty droplets softened my view and
the white, foamy crests
became inviting.

an ode to my best friend

2010-10-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

Pecos works construction these days. He actually has just been digging a large amount of ditches for the foundation of this giant house they are building. He will never live in that house and he wouldn't even want to. That makes me love him deeply.

Today on his lunch break he told me he was gathering earthworms while digging... for the garden my house of five girls is working on. It is the slowest, most low-key garden and it is also the first one I have ever really cared about.

I got all teary because I don't think anyone else in all the world would gather earthworms for me.

...except for Jesus. Actually I think Jesus is gathering all the little things we love through people like Pecos. Hallelujah!

tension

2010-10-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend I started to learn that being here in Santa Barbara is a beautiful gift and that joy does not spring forth from a physical location. No, it comes from Jesus inside of me and His love that urges me to love deeply. The keyword being "started." His deep love leads us to suffering, to free the brokenhearted and take-up the orphan. That is not simple work, but isn't it the most urgent work. As babies and their families toil to survive, I spend my time figuring out my next step. Isn't the next step clear?

I am so completely overwhelmed with the suffering in this world. Even now as I sit at this computer while Paul reads a novel, I wonder at the absurdity of my small life. I frustrate myself asking God for a grateful heart.

Katie, who lives in Uganda and heads up Amazima Ministires (amazima.org), is seeing the suffering caused by poverty, famine, preventable disease and the lack of love every single day. She is asking Jesus, "Why?" She is also there, trusting our Jesus for redemption. She is there meeting practical needs and learning what works and what doesn't, what the make or breaks are, how to teach others simple things like feeding babies high-fat milk. Thank you Jesus for Katie, give her peace today and strength to face the fall with your HOPE as her shield.

Lord, please give all of your children peace and courage. Make our paths straight so that others may SEE and KNOW the love of JESUS

"Listen! It's the voice of someone shouting, 'Clear the way through the wilderness for the Lord! Make a straight highway through the wasteland for our God! Fill in the valleys and level the mountains and hills. Straighten the curves, and smooth out the rough places. Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The Lord has spoken!'" (Isaiah 40:3-5).

the solid eight

2010-10-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

Today during homeschool...

We spent 30 minutes on a health lesson that outlined the importance of sleep. I am so happy we were made to sleep. Here is what Kaplan Homeschooling curriculum has to say about it (titled, "Fitness Sleeping"):

Sleep is a natural part of everyone's life. It is something our bodies need to do; sleep is not optional, though some may try to get by with very little. Sleep allows our bodies to rejuvenate in many ways.

- Memory: sleep enables the brain to encode new information and store it properly.
- Learning: REM sleep activates the parts of the brain that control learning.
- Social processes: the parts of the brain that control emotions, decision-making, and social interactions slow down during sleep.
- Growth and development: growth hormones are released during sleep, so sleep is important to normal development.
- Nervous system: neurons used during the day repair themselves during sleep.
- Immune System: without proper sleep, the immune system weakens, and the body becomes more vulnerable to infection and disease.

goodnight!

remind me rain of joy and sunlight.

2010-10-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have been reading my friend's blog recently, mostly when Paul is taking tests. I have been reading it more regularly because it has been one small thing that makes sense during this transitional time (i.e life after 4 years at Westmont).

Today she reminded me of joy. We pray for joy because joy comes from deep love and we created beings are often too afraid to love deeply. So I asked our Jesus to give us deep joy that springs out of His love in us.

sitting
watching
listening
praying

Help us Lord to be with you.

Lamott and homeschool

2010-09-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how I found myself doing what I am doing these days. Before I head to the Village in the afternoons to spend time with the kids in our tutoring program I spend 5 hours as a home-school teacher for a ninth grade boy. His name is Paul. He is typical. I mean he is extremely bright when he wants to be and extremely not when he has checked out of our material. He gets distracted, tells me odd stories that have no point, and tricks me into believing he cannot do things on his own. But today, for some unknown, grace-given reason, he simply wanted to learn. It was like moonlight (thank you Anne Lamott).

This was all before lunch of course. Once you incorporate lunch he returns to typical.

To be honest, he probably did not have has much fun as I did solving algebraic expressions today, but he seemed to be hanging in there. One cool thing about Paul is that when he puts his mind to something it's like a a gate opens inside his brain and all of these clear, creative waters come running forth.

He loves photography and his artwork will be up in the Montecito Coffeebean at the end of this month. Come check it out.

stir

2010-08-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

When I come home to Georgia and see my brothers, I am always reminded that family is a gift. My family is here and there and scattered all throughout, which I have learned is also a gift. Having too many people to be loved by and to love is an overwhelming blessing.

I am also reminded today that there are millions of children without families, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. I am not one to throw out numbers but last night Pecos asked me, "What stirs your affection for Jesus?" You know, what makes your heart jump? What makes you want to shout and dance and get on your knees to know Him more?

I had to think and like usual I had more than one answer but as I smeared my thoughts through the air, I realized that my affections are stirred when I see families being made. I am stirred as I watch my friends Sarah and Andy adopt, when I read Katie's blog about her 14 girls in Africa and their beautiful struggle. I am stirred as I think about the mess of family-making and how it is God's love that makes us His children. He loves us through and through.

See you soon Santa Barbara

2010-07-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

It is good to be in Texas. Let me just say that I was never made for a fast-paced anything; there have been times I have believed otherwise, but my attempts are and have always been in vain. Texas - or at least my experience of it - has mastered the American Dream while cultivating the unique skill of staying slow.

Here are some of my observations after day 1 with my best friend and his fam:
In Texas you can...
...wake up early and wake up slow
...work hard and sit down for lunch...and dinner
...see Home Depot as a warehouse of opportunity while maintaining that we really don't need half the things stored up in there
...swim twice a day, even if you have to make a court appearance
...sweat and still feel pretty
...wear flip-flops anywhere
...listen to country without someone mocking your ability to chose music
...hug everyone you greet

That's all for now.

quito.

2010-07-17T23:26:00.000-07:00

The roadtrip around the US is ending and it has been long, funny, exciting, very real - a gift to have been with two women I deeply admire. Come Tuesday, I am headed to Texas to hang out with this man who I also deeply admire and his family...garden with his mom, swim against the humid southland air, dance with his sister, and deepen a few new friendships.

Amidst the peace of this season and the excitement and curiosity that I feel for the one that is coming, I long for Quito. I long for Magdelena and Miguel Andres whose small frames and dark features embraced me every Wednesday and let me be a part of their world for just a little while.

Lord hear my prayer.

a thought

2010-06-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

The middle road is often the one less traveled.

selfish

2010-06-14T00:45:00.000-07:00

I think I would be selfish if I left the US and lived in a remote village in Guatemala and I think I will be selfish tomorrow roaming around Santa Barbara until I take a roadtrip with my dear girlfriends in two days. I have recently been reading a blog about this young woman's journey to Uganda, Africa where she has adopted 14 young girls and committed to spending her life with them. She is 21.

Check out her blog. Pray for her. www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

I wonder if I am jealous of her life because I want to be glorfied or if I honestly was not made for what I have currently planned for myself - a year off, running an afterschool program in Santa Barbara, graduate school, marriage, even adopting when I am older. What atracts me to dirt and sweat and not so many things - a small home in a Latin American country where kids whose parents have been lost run around and smile at me? Do I hold onto this because I have felt it in my bones since I was sixteen and because I believe in God's promises or because it's an identity giver?

I can't get past my selfishness either way, and I can't not think about undefiled religion (read the book of James) and Christ's love for the broken and poor. I also can't justify leaving this place for children I have yet to meet when I have been given an opportunity to serve the children of this city. I mean the afterschool program with kids whose lives are affected by poverty right here in this country, aren't they just as worth it? HELLO selfish! But it isn't like the poverty I saw in Ecuador and how can I even serve the poor when it takes a mountain of prayer to honor my mother and father. oh right, I just can't do any of it. It isn't really about me, it never has been.

I have no answers. I do not even have a prayer that makes sense, really. I want to love as Jesus did because His eternity is worth it. May He be known through our lives.

I have some friends Andy and Sara Ribbens who are adopting from Uganda as well and you should pray for them too: letloveguide.blogspot.com

writing again.

2010-06-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

I used to apologize for not blogging but it has been far too long for an apology. I will just start again. I recently graduated from Westmont College, moved out of a shared house of 7 ladies, was given a new car, and am headed home.

Home.
Going home feels like the breath taken after snacking on a mound of fresh, corner purchased strawberries.

Here is where I have discovered home to be over the past four years and here is where I am traveling this summer:
Las Vegas, Nevada
The perimeter of the USA with Maddie and Hillary, I guess I haven't actually discovered home here, but I might.
Dripping Springs, Texas
Flowery Branch, GA

I will write and travel. Then I will be back in August to live in Santa Barbara and hang out with Spanish speaking niños.

See you soon.

Also, Maddie, Hillary and I will be keepings a blog of our USA roadtrip. I will send the link in the near future.

no way.

2009-12-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

24 hours to go in the beloved city in the middle of the world. I am just about to go to sleep next to Pao. Tomorrow I will pack, say goodbye to the kids at the jail, eat a meal with my family, and then head to the airport around 10 pm. Hey, may we rejoice in this season that celebrates the coming of the sweetest gift.

See you soon home.

rounding the corner

2009-11-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

My mom left yesterday, after a four full days of Ecuador. We spent Saturday night and Sunday in Ambato, where my host-family's extended family lives, and it was such a gift to see my mom interact with the people who have become my closest friends here. The next week or so is packed with homework and papers and a final project, but it is sweet to do homework in another language and realize how amazingly crafted our brains are to learn and discover. Here a few fotos from my mom's visit.

T-minus one week untill Pecos arrives!

Happy Thanksgiving to all those stateside. May we enjoy our homes and families and give thanks to the One who shows us His love through them.

Islets

2009-10-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

This week I read an essay from my first semester at Westmont for a intro to literature class with Dr. Delaney. I was delightfully embarrassed by how presumptuous I was. The essay was about my own story as seen through the lens of a character named Asher Lev from the book My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok. The essay reminded me of how brave I assumed to be when I entered college and how I had not yet learned to look at details; at the end of the essay I plainly stated that I wanted to be a missionary. A part of me has come to despise that word over the last "almost" four years. And so you ask, what does this have to do with the Galapagos Islands, since I just returned from a five day trip to these colorful and oddly beautiful pockets of land.
Well, I am not entirely sure either.
On Saturday our group of 24 hiked the Sierra Negra which is the tallest volcano on the main island of Isabella. It's not that tall, a little over a thousand feet from sea level, but it provides a perfect view of the other islets and their tip-tops. To arrive at la cumbre (peak), we walked through four completely different habitations (which I am sure J Borden would have enjoyed). Before entering the plain of oxidizing volcanic rock -our final destination- we wandered through what seemed liked the East African bush. My eyes kept looking for life among the red dirt and crispy, naked trees. At this point my feet were covered in blisters because the dust found a home within my Chacos and decided to dance with the delicate edges of mis pies (feet). The ironic part is that I know nothing of Africa or its turmoil, expect what I read from BBC news or Lisa's blog. And the fact that I have a pair of nice Chacos only highlights my naivety. My guess is that this terrain in the middle of the ocean only hours from the lush beach is nothing like Africa. Especially since two miles earlier we were picking ripe guavas and filling our stomachs with pink nectar. I walked though, and thought about Africa. I also thought about that silly essay. We are all youthful once and full of big dreams. I am still both of these things (grateful for this fleeting time), and as my senior year finds its way to a close I am increasingly aware that those uneducated and misinformed dreams found in my first semester writing are not going to leave me.
There is this grand tension, you know. I cannot read the news about Zimbabwe or Guatemala and not wonder what our responsibility is, and in that same instant I am reminded of my smallness. I am reminded of how I am learning we can only do small things with great love, thank you mama teresa. Sometimes I wonder about my conscious choice to pursue a future, in which I will never ganar plata (be rich), because it is real and raw and obvious that money provides basic life necessities, secures children's futures, and stabilizes families and societies. Oh but it is not everything, it is not even close and these green and privileged hands of mine search to show that life can be different. They search to hold orphans, to bless my closest friends and strangers, to live in a simple house with a simple job, to grow plants, to be quiet and in the ordinary, to travel far and long, to rest, to make food and share meals with my family, to just be caught up in this life. I am learning that to see change, people have to live differently in the places they are found. Where shall I be found? I don't think mama T would give me an answer. And so, roaming around these vibrant islets without anything to do except walk, breath, and observe highlighted this sweet tension that I am assuming I will find myself in until I have long passed on.

oh, and we laughed a whole lot while we enjoyed the playa (beach), el agua, and the volcanoes that are still fairly untouched in the galapagos. yes, we laughed until our bellies hurt and tears streamed down our faces.

oh the places you'll go, by bus.

2009-10-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

Today, after some ceramics, I rode the bus during sun-set .
I was squished in between a dad-like native and the window pane.
Tonight, after sharing empanadas and hot chocolate,
I sat on the midnight trole with some sweet friends-
the girls from the States and Iván.
I liked watching them smile and laugh together.
I am going to miss bus rides.

Back from Ibarra and to the Galapagos

2009-10-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

This weekend I celebrated the foundation of a small city called Ibarra with some girlfriends from BCA and our two Ecuadorian friends, Gaston and Chicky (that is not his real name but it works). There is something about leaving the city with a backpack and a handful of carefully selected songs for the car ride that calms me down. The three of us girls piled in the back of Chicky´s new, white, mini-SUV early Saturday morning. I was last to get in meaning that the window seat awaited my tattered blue jeans and heavy heart. I realized as I sat quietly listening to the mixture of Spanish and English words that this small act of sitting, while a good friend drives, and looking is one of my favorite things. Ibarra is north of Quito and north of Otavalo, which is known for its artisan work. Arriving to Ibarra is like approaching a valley, and in this case a very white valley that encircles a lake named Yahuarcocha. I am forgetting now but I think Yahuar means lake and cocha means blood in Quichua. Gaston told me that after a battle between different groups of ¨indios¨ the blood and bodies that were shed were thrown into this lake. This provided a stark contrast to the petite white buildings and the dancing that would happen between the five of us later that night. Another reminder that sorrow is never far from joy.
The streets in Ibarra are cobblestone and they wear it well. Wobbly and old, I felt them welcome my feet as I walked and talked with these people who have become dear to me since our arrival. I wondered if I would ever be in this city again, I hope so. Especially if Jess and Alli are down to eat ¨biscochas¨ and sing Alanis Moursette and Juanes in the same period of time.

This Friday we leave for the Galapagos! What the sweet Sierra has lacked, I am sure the beach and clear, blue water will provide. Until then, peace.

a little video

2009-09-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

right now I am sick, that is just fine
it is good to rest and sleep
and make videos for the people I love

Hello rain and routine.

2009-09-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It has been a little while since I have written.

Right now I am sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the cars and city moving below our third-story apartment. I just made scrambled eggs with some veggies that I bought from this "hole in the wall" vegetable market. It is right by house and a sweet man with sunken, dark eyes and old hands works there. I bought a cucumber, tomato, onion, and some limes for fifty cents. These simple earth-grown staples and bread have given me my weeks breakfast. Pecos and I talked about the value of living close to those who are poor, living on what you need and not what you want and I like this idea. I like to pretend that I understand this concept or am comfortable with the beauty in only having my daily bread, but I am still learning. I also told him that I miss scolding-hot showers and he reminded me that to practice poverty I better get used to the fresh, cold water. Thanks Pec.

Yesterday was the first real rain of the winter. I like the weather here, it reminds me we are constantly changing. For instance, I woke up to the hazy sun, stumbled through the morning on a high from its rays, entered the afternoon and felt my skin moisten to the water-carrying clouds, and then sat in my Spanish grammar class and watched the giant droplets dance with the concrete. A sweet Ecuadorian mama told me to expect these showers in the afternoons. I take rest that God softens our rough shells with his grace poured out (bienvenidos lluvia).

This is my second week working at the women's jail with the niños. I work on Mondays and Fridays. I am not sure how to write about these experiences yet, I have not processed them and think I will keep the details tucked away. I do know that I am enjoying being loved by these 3 and 4 year olds who have not yet learned the primary colors and are good at saying Spanish cuss words. Pray for them (hopehopehope). I see so many of us in their tiny hands.

About a week ago we watched the big game between Ecuador and Colombia, we lost. But not to worry because we play Uruguay soon and we have the upper hand. My uncle gave me a sweet, yellow camiseta (shirt) to embrace my membership into this culture of fútbol. The picture is from this afternoon. Paola painted my face too.

More to come, peace in the places you are found.

la selva (Aug 19-23)

2009-08-31T13:24:00.000-07:00

they wash clothes,
a yellow shirt in an orange bucket
sand and rock mingling
between their toes
at the edge of the bank

these black-topped heads
are comfortable
in the clean, gray water
they live here,
brother and sister

they play in this Napo river,
rub its mud on their bellies,
and let the sun set on their skin;
clean laundry smells different here

entering their shared canoe,
they paddle home

Home and back and home again.

2009-08-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

I just returned to the beloved Quito from a four-day trip to Santa Barbara where I was honored to witness Janelle and Brett get married. It was a beautiful wedding with one purpose, to reflect the love Christ has for His people. Blessings over you two now as you honeymoon it in Hawaii! Thank you for teaching us about Truth.

It was also a gift to hug Dan, talk to Amanda, laugh with Hayley and Vanessa, see Levi and Kristen (and also Tom and Matt), and be with Pec (this, especially). Each of you have blessed me in unexplainable ways that fill my heart with joy as I think about the family God has created. Thank you dear ones. Blessings over this fall season. May we see life.

Okay! I am sorry I have not written in the past two weeks, I can sense that this might be a common occurence when school starts, which by the way is next Wednesday. That is crazy! Here is a list of what I am taking:

Indigenous Literature
Advanced Spanish Grammar
Social Problems of Ecuador
Andeanismo (Hello hiking trips with a bunch of Ecuadorian backpackers)
Jewelry Making (maybe, tal vez)

I am also waiting to find out where I will be volunteering, I have requested a spot at the women's prison or at a birthing clinic called La Clinica Primavera. Imprisoned women are usually accompanied by their children if they are under five so I would be helping with daycare. These women have usually been convicted for trafficking drugs although the majority are not addicts, just desperate and in need of work. The birthing clinic provides affordable midwives and a safe location to give birth naturally. I am excited to see where I will end up and am stoked to hang out with some Ecuadorian mamas!

Before life started happening and I forgot to write ya'll, my family and I traveled to Ambato which is a town two hours south of here. Cocqui was born and raised there and we hung out with his family for the weekend. They are awesome! We cooked, sang, danced, shared wine, danced some more, and rejoiced in the face of the intense and recent heartache. As I continue to hear stories about my family's sweet mother, I am realizing how deeply this women would have longed for us to live vibrantly in light of her death. I am learning beautiful lessons from this family. Below are some pictures of our weekend get-a-way! The house was built by Cocqui, it rules! I am leaving Wednesday for the Amazon and will be there for five days before the start of school. This pre-semester time has been shocking, revealing, hopeful and sorrowful, and a reminder that God has given His children much purpose in this vida. I am encouraged and lifted up in spirit as I think of how the coming months will allow me to dig my hands deeper into this fertile soil and see what grows, yes yes yes please! Also you should know that I found a salsa club and I am becoming obsessed.

May we know rest and peace, in each moment whether dancing or mourning

Terminamos semana dos!

2009-08-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from our weekend in Otavalo, solo dos porque I need an attachment for my camera and these belong to someone else. I thought the first one captured my curiosity well. The second one was taken from the top of ancient indigenous ruins. They have not been preserved well because the Ecuadorian government does not spend its money on protecting these treasures- good questions about this situation are being asked. All I can think about at this moment is traveling this vibrant country, loving, and being loved by mi familia and thanking Nuestro Padre with each step!

Much peace. and more love.

keep walking

2009-08-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

Hello all. Well, it has been an interesting couple of days, full of many hues and emotions.

Friday night began and just before dawn, I woke up to a knock on my door. Bryan and Paula entered and we embraced as they told me their sweet mother died around 1 pm. She had been suffering from spinal cancer for the past six years and so Paula with heavy eyes told me, "It is better Katie, because she is not suffering anymore." I knew she had cancer and my program director informed me of this situation before I moved in a week ago now. It is exhausting to form sentences right now because quite frankly, there are none so important. Silence and laughter are healing and so we bath ourselves in them.

After I found out, we all went to sleep. Bryan and Paula had been up most of the night at the hospital and Jorge was still there. I woke around seven and left for Otavalo for with the other international students. I talked with Daniel (program director) a lot over the next couple of days. He asked me if I wanted to stay the semester with this family or if I wanted to be moved. He asked me how I was doing and what I was thinking. He is a gift right now and a source of comfort. He told me that it would benefit the family if I stayed, meaning that continuing on with life might be easier if I am around. I do not know what bravery looks like or how to help. I have, however, fallen in love with Bryan, Paula, and Jorge and want to be with them. I told Pecos a week ago that nothing in Ecuador is what it seems to be, and such is the case with the next five months. Please pray for the family. This weekend the four of us are going to Ambato, where Jorge's parents live.

Besides this rough and real news, Ecuador is still lovely and Otavalo was a beautiful place. We played in some waterfalls, hiked, ate delicious food (chicken and french fries, pretty normal) and yes Gary, some people ate guinea pig. I was especially excited to see this indigenous band featured at this little Ecuadorian pizza place we went for dinner on Saturday night. The band was made up of four men wearing beat up jeans and white camisetas. There was a huge drum, a guitar, charango (a small guitar made out of the shell of an armadillo), and flute made out of bamboo. They were so good and interesting to watch, full of life and intriguing, rustic music that made me want to dance.

I hope all is well in the northern hemisphere. We also went to the equator this weekend and I learned that you can see the constellations of both hemispheres from the Ecuadorian sky...super sweet!

Much love,
kp

fotos y mas fotos

2009-07-28T18:29:00.001-07:00

La ciudad, la Virgen de Panecillo, mi hermanita y hermano, the girls

Familia, mis queridos

2009-07-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

My family is aweome here are some quick updates

- Jenny is mi mama and she is hilarious, short, and skinny with a cute black haircut.
- Jorge or Koki is mi papa and he works en El Oriente, the jungle to the east. I have enjoyed our time together. He is a little sarcastic and always corrects my Spanish.
- Mi hermanita Paula is 13. She is very sweet and gentle and loves to talk.
- Mi hermano Bryan is 18 and aweomse! Too cool for school, loves the ladies and dancing and he makes me laugh.
- My room faces Pichinche, the volcano to the west and there is a big window, but there is a nice, big building in front of this lovely mountain
- They are extremely loving and affecionate and are treating me like I have been here always

Jesus is good to His hijos.
Ciao,
Katie

Segundo dia

2009-07-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hello all. Esta día fue hermosa. Today we visited The Virgen del Panecillo San Francisco de Quito, who sits on the edge of Pichincha, which is the volcano to the west of the city. I learned some interesting stories about her and I am stoked to learn about Ecuadorian history. For example, her back faces south Quito, which is the poorest area of the city.

Blessings. paz de Jesucristo.

Ecuador!

2009-07-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

Welp, I made it here. Last night at 11:00 p.m. el avion landed and I walked into the Andes mountains. Today has been exhausting and beautiful. We walked a lot, talked about a lot of things I am forgetting, and covered too many orientation details, so much so that I am actually not feeling oriented, but rather a little lost and lonely. I am sure the altitude and jet-lag play into this feeling which means I won't think about it for too long.

After we took an extensive tour of the city our group of international students shared dinner at this small Ecuadorian restaurant called something that starts with an A. We laughed, told stories and it was a gift to listen. On Sunday we move into our host families, which I am looking forward to because I think it will mean some rest and a deep breath. Functioning out of this hostel is just fine but I definitely feel like I am in a a state of limbo and some what like I am still in the Estados Unidos. I am anticipating giving up this native English tongue for a while so that I am not just another American talking and rambling in a country that is not her own.

I'll keep ya'll posted. May you know the nearness of our sweet King who made everything. It's good to write to you.

for a woman I admire

2009-07-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

scissors in hand,

her back curved round

a towering sunflower,

shooting out a heap full;

browns and yellows

snip

a smile pours over her retrieved blossoms,

standing upright

she pulls them to her chest

slightly returning to her bend

she rests

the sun kissed goldens

in a wicker basket

and walks home

goodnight.

2009-07-03T01:17:00.000-07:00

One of the sunflowers bloomed.

Pecos and I planted a batch full in the bottom half of an old barrel at the start of summer.

I smiled.

I want to write more about this season, but have not come across any words yet.

Happy Independence Day! May we know and pray for true freedom.

Long Island Ice Tea.

2009-05-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

Welp, here is my theory on my recent coming of age experience: I turned 21 in February and since that blessed day I have purchased two drinks, a margarita and a long island ice tea (LIIT). I did not like the margarita and I did enjoy the LIIT, but together I have spent a total of $21 on these two small drinks. It is just not worth it. end of story. I like free stuff.

On a less serious note, the past few days have been filled with:

Darrelle Good

A beautiful and unexpected story from a precious friend

One final essay

Leeevs B.

Good gifts in the mailbox

and the reminder that I do not understand goodness yet.

peace and grace over the coming days, may the children of the Lord know how they are loved.

what wednesday also is

2009-04-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

4. the last day of chapel for some of my dearest friends.

5. a reminder that two women I love deeply are venturing down a new tributary, and I am praying these streams meet sooner than expected (I'm actually sad all over, and my feet are a little wobbly when I think about not walking next to you, but we were never guaranteed safety were we? Thank you for pointing heavenward).

6. stop thinking so hard, the sun is out, the sky is blue, and I just want to stand next to you...and rhyme.

7. I'm going abroad, you're going abroad, he is going abroad. got any stamps?

8. I'm thankful for schoolwork.

9. oh Nostalgia, why are you so strange and normal?

wednesday

2009-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday which means a couple of things:

1. We are one day closer to the last day of class.

2. A day closer to summer which equals bathing suits, bbqs, some gardening, a queen size yellow bed that Amanda and I will inhabit for three months, some road and plane trips, my mama, painting Dan's shop, bike riding, and hopefully pie making (this is a new desire...rubarb anyone?)

3. and probably the most notable thing about this midweek day is that Levi comes home! Brother, you have been missed...get yourself up to the mont please!

waking up late.

2009-04-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel extremely stuck when I wake up late, no matter the time of arrival in bed the night before. That is happening right now. Last night a dear friend and I went to to Trader Joe's and bought snacks for the coming week. I also purchased two small boxes of Jelly Bellies, one for me and one for my roommate.

I always call her my roommate, but she is far more than the one who lives with me. I'm not really sure how God makes things work out, but my time with Amanda has been too rich to explain in paragraphs. I bought my ticket to Ecuador yesterday..the arrival date and departure date are very very far a part: July 23-December 22. She sat on my bed as I stood leaning up against its side with my face glued to the buzzing computer screen and my hear listening intently to the Delta representative. She watched me well up with tears, excitement, fulfillment, and fear. I pray that I can sit with people the way she does.

Today is Sunday! Go outside!

La vida perfecta

2009-04-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

I can't decide if I should share this in english and spanish. Here it is the english...

Rabbit: timid brother! My teacher and philosopher!

Your life has taught me the lesson of silence.

For since in solitude you find your mine of gold,

the world's eternal onward march means nothing to you.

Tiny seeker after wisdom,

you leaf, as through a book, the good and humble cabbage;

and like Saint Simeon, from your dark hole

you watch the evolutions of the swallows.

Ask your good God for a garden in Heaven,

a garden with crystal cabbages in glory,

a spring of fresh water for your tender nose,

and a flight of doves above your head.

You live in the odour of perfect sanctity.

The cincture of Father Saint Francis will touch you

on the day of your death. And in Heaven

the souls of children will play with your long ears!

- Jorge Carrera Andrade 1928

you smell so sweet.

2009-04-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

I don't have many words but I am a grateful child, undeserving of such beautiful things.

reading and writing

2009-03-29T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am just sitting on my bed, which is nicely made and has long become accustomed to Jesse's quilt, that I think his grandmother knitted. I am sure I will give this back to him, or rather sur he will beckon it back from me, until then I will enjoy it. It is warm and it matches my heart - made up of purples, greens, browns, and deep yellows.

I am writing a research paper that compares the marital relationships among sixteen different cultures. It is exhausting. I am over schooled and am anticipating some backpacks with my best friend, a nice plane ride to Dripping Springs, and the freedom of reading with no deadline. However, this project is thought-provoking and I am intrigued by what happens to men and women and their interpersonal lives as globalization increases. I don't know if we were made to take in so much change and I wonder if our instincts throughout the ages when it comes to farming, finding food, managing a household need as much improvement as the West believes. I mean this in the sense that sometimes we mess with things that do not need to be messed with. The word partake is a favorite of mine, and rather then improving things, it might do good to partake in difference. Who knows though, right? All these things are word games to me right now, and like our sweet Trevor reminds us, "I have yet to face the winter."

fotos y mas fotos

2009-03-23T23:10:00.001-07:00

Things of recent

2009-03-22T16:10:00.000-07:00

I am full of thoughts right now. I returned from Ensenada where I spent spring break, late Friday night. It was a good trip, when I say good I most always mean thick. Do you know what I'm attempting to describe - by thick I mean full of beautiful and hard things. I am in no mood to write about the memories and small movements that I experienced in this foreign, yet so familiar place. I think the pictures will suffice.

Upon my return I was greeted with a text from my step-mom, confirming something the four of us (Zack, Sam, Michelle, and I) have been expecting for a while. The women who brought my family back to life after the divorce went to dance with her Father on Thursday. Her battle against cancer ended and she had to surrender to someone much bigger than we can know. As much as it is a gift to know she is free, her husband and two daughters remain and my heart aches for them. I think it is a funny thing to live life. We begin by discovering traces of the mysterious, we learn to use our hands to grow things, to build houses, we seek purpose and study the lives that came before us, we fall in love (with a person, with a place, with many things), drink wine, laugh and partake in sweet fellowship, we create routines, transition through tragedy, and pray that we will stay childlike. I am thankful for this journey, and I wonder how it is both so small and so big in the eyes of our Redeemer. I hope you enjoy the pictures of the road I have been on the past couple of weeks. As I look at them, I am reminded of a question an old friend always asks me, "Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven and is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?"

so many things I have yet to learn.

2009-03-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

I forgotten you once again oh blog. I apologize.

Today I received an email from one of my dearest friends, I am practicing being more particular because often times I say that many people are my dear friends. This is genuine, I am sure. But it is also very true when I hold back those type of words and save them for the few companions I have fallen for. It makes things less safe and more real, because in saving my sentiments for those people, I let them know me a little bit more than I used to. This dear one happens to be in Africa and he informed me that he killed a cow with a knife and a sheep with his bare hands. Part of me does not believe him, and the other part of me does not put this past him. I wonder what he learned through this experience. I wonder if the tribe he encountered taught him something about land and providence and creation. I look forward to his return.

In two days I am going to visit another one of these gifted particulars and I am looking forward to this anticipated weekend...some good conversations, shared soup, I am sure some necessary tears about the things we will never know.

I learned how to cast for fly fishing this week, right behind VK among the thick, generous soil and scattered leaves. I am going to be quiet and save this memory.

I have not been reading very much outside of schoolwork and it is beginning to get to me. I suspect that it will remain this way for the next couple of weeks. I receive an email called "story of the day" from this random website each morning. It is a sort of makeshift of words created to settle in our minds and trigger thoughts that might get pushed aside in the hustle of our routines. I like it very much. This is the one from two days ago:

"I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart and voice to speak and we will walk again together with a thousand others and a thousand more and on and on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is not future without love."

February 13

2009-02-13T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today I was born and that is nice. My mom called this morning around 9:25 and told me that was the moment her water broke, my grandma in Florida stayed up until 3 am so wish me well on my time zone, I talked to Sarah, Pecos brought oatmeal and we ate in the lovely Emerson kitchen and Amanda joined us to drink Mexican hot chocolate, we looked up other holidays in February and historical events that took place on this day, Ana called and everyone sang happy birthday from TOMS, I talked to my baby brothers, Darrelle slept in my bed last night and reminded me how sweet and full real friendship is, and I have to be ready at 2:20 pm to go on some adventure with Maddie.

The day is good and,

I am a blessed child indeed.

dear hermano(s).

2009-02-08T23:48:00.000-08:00

You are just like those birds.

I have heard you talk about them,

as if you had once been a sojourner

in their nests

harmonizing with their kin

quietly partaking in their daily bread

I wonder if you know how buoyant

your smile is?

Like stoic literature

it speaks of untouchable truths

and softly pervades our delightful interactions

It is heavy and removed and good

It says no to hell

Maybe you smile like this because

you have seen the sky,

Tell me a story I will laugh at,

that will point us to freedom

25 random things about myself

2009-02-04T08:25:00.001-08:00

Welp, this is happening on facebook quite a bit so I thought I would use this as a time of good thought and reflection about the person I am becoming.

1. I really like sitting down and reading a book with no interruptions (I have not discovered when that really takes place while in this sweet university setting, but there is hope).

2. I love dark chocolate and think that it is important to have something sweet mostly everyday. I really want to make truffles so if you have a good recipe send it my way.

3. I have this dream of going to culinary school and opening up some patchwork, semi-put together restaurant that serves free food on Sundays. But as of now I only know a few things about cooking and baking. It would be located in a two story, shabby, little place and I would live upstairs and in the mornings I would have a cup of coffee in a mug that I made, read a while, and then cook food for people (donations for this project are now being accepted).

4. Sometimes I am really grossed out by bugs and such and other times I think they are sweet and would pick them up, hang out with them...but it just depends on my mood.

5. I really like wordy explanations, it makes things more colorful for me. I like theology books a whole lot. Here are a few:

Proper Confidence -Newbigin

On the Incarnation - St. Athanasius

Prayers Plainly Spoken - Hauerwas

Compassion - Nouwen

6. I want a garden really bad, but I don't really know anything so I try to pick up tidbits here and there and tuck them in the back of my brain for when a plot of land decides to give itself to me.

8. I secretly want a new car for the sole reason that I don't think mine suits my personality. Since I am choosing to remain grateful, I simply like to dream about having a sweet old truck...I don't even care or know what kind it would be, but I want it to be rusty reddish with some chipped paint here and there or mint green.

9. I don't think there is a food I really dislike, except for cottage cheese.

10. I enjoy being alone so much that it creeps me out sometimes and then other times I stressfully worry about missing out on things.

11. My dear sweet friend is home from Spain and it lightens my step :)

12. Since I grew up in Las Vegas from the age of ten, I guess I have to claim it as home. But I don't feel like I am from there, since I was born in Georgia and half my family lives in Suwanee. I love the smell of that place, the lake, the country music, the indescribable sentiment of the people, my brother's accents, the rain, Stone Mountain and 4th of July, BBQ, how close Flowery Branch is to my Mimi's house...

13. I love bike riding.

14. I highly dislike running.

15. I love Latin America...don't have a single clue why, it's just kinda in my blood. I mean I could give you reasons but they wouldn't suffice or match the way I feel about its people and its culture.

16. I am going abroad to Israel and Ecuador and I am both overly anxious and ready to be there and quite frightened by how much I will miss all of my friends and this one very nice boy...nope he's a man.

17. I started to crochet and made one beanie and this makes me very sad because I would like to make more (perhaps in my house above my restaurant, see #3)

18. I love my mom.

19. I accomplish things pretty quickly, like schoolwork and such, but I walk really slow.

20. Sometimes I get super overwhelmed that I am purposeless, failing miserably, and going to end up an old woman with cats. Then Someone helps me remember that I am those first two things but not really because of the Resurrection and also that I like cats.

21. I love animals. I want a horse so bad...or just one I can ride.

22. I love broccoli.

23. I don't want to live in a city (prayers against this are also being accepted).

24. Naps and walks outside are good things.

25. I like small things, like small spoons, jewelry, pictures, notes...weird stuff I know.

okay enough.

peace and grace.

poesía rapido

2009-02-02T09:32:00.000-08:00

this peace of yours comes and goes,

but it's okay because

we're allowed to feel and hurt

and ache for unexplainable things

what is this fullness? that you

would give it to us,

and allow us to dance to its rhythms.

clay and such

2009-01-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

Right now I am at work at the switchedboard and this lovely, older woman just called. She had an accent, although I couldn't not discern where it might be from. She asked if she was able to visit the formal gardens on campus this afternoon. When I told her that she was most definitely able and at whatever time she so desired, she was overly excited. I hope she enjoys her time, and I hope that when I am older I do things like that.

I looked at classes in Ecuador last night! There is this urge that keeps growing inside of me to just get there, and yet it hasn't taken over my present time, which I am thankful for. Here is a potential list:

Ceramics

Seminar in Ecuadorian and Latin American Film

The Ecuadorian Novel/Tale

Andean Archeology

Social Problems in Ecuador

Advanced Conversation

Language and Ethnicity in Ecuador

History of Latin America Republic

I have to choose 4-5 of these and I know this is going to be a point of confusion for me.

I have failed to mention this semester Maddie, Jesse, and I are taking a ceramics class through SBCC Adult Ed. on Saturday mornings. Last week was our first class and it was really beautiful. I am praying that this would make my hands feel useful since having a garden, cooking regularly, and other such things are not really feasible right now. I found my seat next to Eduardo and Sofia from Argentina as I started to explore the medium colored clay and how it moves on the wheel. They sweetly gave me pointers in Spanish, which was not only helpful for my conversational skills, but how they described their art was also very spanish. It was rich and deep and a little bit wild. It was not something they could really control, rather a lovely gift they were participating in. I like them very very much and I am excited to spend more time in their presence. Not to mention Eduardo is easy to look at, but he's like 35 so not to worry :)

Okay, tomorrow Ana comes and we will get ridiculously dressed up on Saturday night and dance! Peace and grace.

meanderings

2009-01-20T23:34:00.000-08:00

oh dear blog, I have not abandoned thee! You have been a quiet reminder of the sweet times my thoughts were capable of making the long journey through my fingers, passed the silver buttons, and onto the screen. so here we sit again.

here is a list:

Pecos came to las vegas, and it was good.

Pecos and I drove to Nuevo and played soccer.

Pecos and I made the trek back to Santa Barbara.

I wandered around SB for a couple of days.

I traveled back to LA to get Mads and see Ana, and it also was good.

School started last Monday.

turned in my Israel deposit, and it too was good

received too many books in the mail

attended my new classes (they are all mainly about Latin America)

I started work again.

tackled a new climbing spot with some sweet friends.

I went on a sweet date with Pec (it's getting better all the time...sing it).

spent two days at the beach and watched the sunset

reconnected with Andrea and Hannah since their time abroad.

walked with Maddie

ventured to Rob's house and reunited with Young Life

watched the 44th inauguration

attended a lecture with Dr. Fisk, and it was good as well

así es la vida up on this glorious hill and I am grateful.

I am starting to realize that this blog is selfishly more for me to look back upon in years to come, so forgive me that this entry was most likely boring. In attempts to regain your interest, here is an excerpt from Rev. Lowry's benediction, received at Obama's inauguration:

"And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance." Amen.

love ya'll.

the girls

2008-12-25T21:42:00.001-08:00

We had a sweet student council reunion...just shut up for laughing at the fact that I was on ASB...it rules!

winter wonderland or hello blizzard

2008-12-25T18:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been home almost a week and I am currently looking for a metaphor to explain how it is going. I would say its rollercaoster ride, but that is boring and overly used. Maybe this experience is more like being stuck in an airport for a really long time,and since your there you try to make the best of it and you end up pleasantly surprised by the sweet and interesting people you meet, except in this case they are all your really good friends. Or maybe I should jump out on a limb and just go there by saying that its like being an Israelite complaining that you keep eating the same food even though your finally free (this might only make sense if you know me). All of these potentially work, but I guess I don't really need a metaphor after today's experience.

My mom, her boyfriend Gary, his son Skye and I all woke up this morning, grabbed coffee, started opening gifts, and then piled in the truck to head up to the cabin. Let's just say that two hours later we were trudging through what looked like Van Gogh's clouds in Starry Night but instead of being blue they were white, and a good 3 feet of already laid, fresh powder. The rode to the cabin was closed, the winds were kicking in at about 35 mph, and our friends truck (which lacked four-wheel drive) got stuck. So we dropped it off at a small parking lot and all piled in Gary's truck. Just picture my mom, me, Skye, and our dog Baily in the back seat while Gary and James sat shotgun. Baily was on my lap freaking out, Gary wanted to shoot the gate blocking the rode to our cabin with his gun, and James could not see because his glasses kept fogging up, and my mom just wanted to eat a buffet worth of food. At this point, I just thought, "Jesus, can you please help understand what your life means in this situation." I didn't get an answer so I guess it meant to shut-up, sit back, and enjoy the ride. After realizing we weren't going to make it to the cabin we found a ridiculously nice lodge to 'lodge' ourselves in until the morning. Since they were not pet friendly, Skye suggested we pretend that Baily was my mom's seeing-eye dog, which would also mean my mom would have to pretend she was blind...could have been pretty hilarious. That made me laugh, but no one really agreed with him. So Skye and I made it up to the room while my mom and Gary waited for a clearing so they could sneak Baily in. Ten minutes later we heard them running down the hallway, Skye rushed to the door, and in came Baily. At this point, I really had to pee because I was laughing so hard but was too cold to take my ski pants off...haha.

So here we are, my mom with a glass a wine, me with my book, Skye's sleeping, Gary wants to go explore the rodes still and James is just hanging out. Sometimes situations surprise me, or maybe my disposition in certain situations surprise me. I am not bugged or annoyed, I'm not over being around my mama (this is not meant to sound harsh but if your someone's daughter then you probably can relate) and I'm stoked to have time to read this ever-waiting book.

Not to compare this to Jesus' birth or anything but it was stressful times for Mary and Joseph. She was preganant and traveling to Bethlehem on some sort of wildlife, rather than a chevy pickup truck. This is what Jesus was born into...chaos and stress and emotion, maybe a sand storm :) and I am praising Him that His light shines in the darkness.

And not to go way off topic, but Pec is coming to visit soon and that rules!

I love ya'll, whoever that may be, and I am praying that the reality of our Savior becoming flesh would manifest itself in the places you are dwelling. peace and grace and Merry Christmas!

dance, posada, mary (or why this weekend before break was pretty amazingly great)

2008-12-14T14:30:00.001-08:00

Actually, I am pretty sleepy and am thinking I should start studying but here is a pretty funny picture taken by the lovely Kristen George, with her Polaroid camera. For as artsy as Pecos is and wants to be and as much as I like to remember good things, we lack motivation to capture the moment when there is a dance floor calling our feet to its rhythms. You take what you can get, ya know :) Thanks Kristen.

mornings

2008-12-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

The sun was peaking through the trees as I walked out of Emerson this early morning to pick up Vanessa and head to Hayley's house for our weekly ritual of sitting in her garage, gathering our thoughts, offering them to Someone stronger, laughing, crying, oh and drinking coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

This morning Hayley put some cinnamon in the grinds before handing it over to the mechanics of the merciful pot that always graces us with energy. Good call, Hayley. It was a reminder that there are still things to be tasted and discovered these remaining weeks on this hill that has become every busy, ever solemn, and a little weary.

Rejoice! for this is the day that the Lord has made!

okay okay, I will....I mean seriously, I will rejoice.

This is the only picture I have of me and Hayley together, which goes to show that we need to take care of some things. She is on the far left, with the long hair and pretty smile.

to be thankful

2008-12-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

Lord, forgive me that I am not thankful, that even in advent I fail to see the ways you have cared for me.

Thank you for that church that is filled with your people, so colorful and patient.
Thank you for that boy (he knows what it means to be a man), he keeps smiling and holding my hand, he doesn't offer me anything false.
Thank you for my sister who will soon be returning, and for our hearts that always find each other.
Thank you for vulgar words that get the point across when I am angry, and the girl in green who always laughs with me.
Thank you for the one with long brown hair who shares practical wisdom and a room.
Thank you for the lovely, rebellious chica who is slowly arriving at freedom's gate and who allows me to walk beside her.
Thank you for free sweatshirts and chili and sweet fellowship at a warm unknown house, because that is what giving looks like.
Thank you for books and papers and tests that will make sense later in my journey.
Thank you for car rides, louisiana nights, and board games.
Thank you for mi cama and good sleep.

Thank you for the peace you have given me this beautiful Sunday.

May my sweet friends who are reading this be filled with the joy of the coming King.

una mas cosa

2008-11-30T20:25:00.001-08:00

just look at her and that chocolate cake face :)

returning to routine (aka, thank you for peace and a normal day)

2008-11-30T20:01:00.001-08:00

Today I picked up Darrelle from the airport and it was such a nice moment. She always talks about how it is good that we can just exist together - ya know, get the little mundane life things done together, be content in a room together without talking, or wildly traveling the world (Israel) together. I liker her very much and even if I did not I find great comfort in friendships that seek commitment and struggle. I see this in ours and I pray, my dear D-good, that we would be long lasting friends full of good and hard stories shared and unshared, so that we may glorify our Father in Heaven.

The rhythms that I have fallen into at Westmont College in sunny Santa Barbara probably sound similar to Fernando Ortega's Take heart, My Friend." They are songs of work and study and hardship, but they are full of friendship. When I drove back onto campus yesterday afternoon around sunset, I could feel that.I don't deserve that feeling, it is as sweet as the peach trees that sent me here. I am not afraid to call this place home for the time being, because it is home and though it is only for a short period of time, God has said, "open this gift, it is yours."

Take heart, my friend, we'll go together
This uncertain road that lies ahead
Our faithful God has always gone before
And He will lead the way once again

Take heart, my friend, we can walk together
And if our burdens become too great
We can hold up and help one another
In God's love, in God's grace

(chorus)
Take heart my friend, the Lord is with us
As He has been all the days of our lives
Our assurance every morning
Our defender in the night

If we should falter when trouble surrounds us
When the wind and the waves are wild and high
We will look away to Him who rules the waters;
Who speaks His peace into the angry tide

He is our comfort, our sustainer
He is our help in time of need
When we wander, He is our Shepherd
He who watches over us never sleeps

I am also procrastinating right now. Until later, may you rest in the grace that first saved us.

goodness.

2008-11-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

My papa fried a turkey...oh man and my grandma made biscuits and gravy and my little cousins came over and we snuggled and played with blocks and chalk (all things that are good for my heart and also not far from my mentality) and I am so grateful. I went on a walk with my step-mom and my aunt, who I have not been able to get to know since I have been at college and it was so beautiful. Being in Kings Mtn, NC is probably one of the sweetest gifts that I could receive right now. The trees are still shedding their colors and the sun was just setting as we walked and talked about nothing. Here are some pictures from the day. My cousin Olivia is the little girl and the her brother, the new baby, is Lawson.

some rest

2008-11-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

After the fires, nomadic living for a week, and a multitude of emotions I arrived in Georgia Sunday at 5:30 am. To be honest, I think I am exhausted. It was good to see my brothers and be welcomed by Zack crawling into bed with me. He used to be so little and now he is three inches taller than me, has patches of facial hair, and can pick me up. Sam is not far behind him.

On Wednesday we are headed to North Carolina to be with my Mimi and Papa for thanksgiving. My heart has awaited seeing that dear southern woman I love so much and I am so excited to hug her and seek her wise council. We are returning Friday morning and then I head out sometime Saturday. By then, I am sure I will be ready to return to the place that has become more of home to me than anywhere else.

I stay continually encouraged by the spirit of Westmont after this time of trial. It is painful to think of all that has been lost, especially the homes of so many faculty we know and love. But as they sort, sift, and make the little decisions that come in the aftermath of losing a home, a neighbor still makes tea, a student finishes his paper, and we all step forward and keep on living - living abundantly.

It is raining here :)

a waiting post.

2008-11-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

I do not think I am going to finish that poem below, only because that day was so sweet and to force my words to explain the way I felt in that moment would be painful and insincere.

Mexico was beautiful. It was good to be somewhere that reminds me of little things I love so much. Over the past couple of years I have grown close to a family there and I got to spend the night with them on Saturday and hang out all Sunday. It was a gift to be able to talk with them more intimately thanks to my spanish literature class that is giving me my money's worth. Angelica made me a huge dinner to bring back to the states for some friends and I to enjoy. Between papers and class, we went to Eric's house heated it all up and rested in the peace of a good meal for an hour. It was lovely.

viva mexico, mi patria

2008-11-07T15:45:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those real good days. I do not say it like that because days like today are seldom; no, I have been graced with many of them, but today was just soooooooo good. It really annoys me when people stress their point by adding a ridiculous amount of extra letters or exclamation points to their words and sentences, like I just did and like my mother does and miss Ana Pryor, but sometimes it is just necessary.

oh, hi. Good morning. Thank you for opening the
door for me. Some one must have taught you right.
We joined in a great assembly while we were there,
and then we ate homemade granola.
You had a cup of drip.

oh hi. I'm glad you like the color green
and are willing to share it with me.
How do you feel about singing, because
your voice is prettier than you think.
Yea, I want to walk with you because
you help me dream big girl.

Well, I am not finished with this yet because it only covers the morning. But I am going to Mexico so it will have to wait.
peace and grace.

work.

2008-11-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I am only posting in attempts to avoid studying while remaining fruitful, as Hayley graciously stressed this morning in small group. It's not about being productive, it's about being fruitful.

And so I ask myself:
self, what does it mean to be fruitful?

So now I am looking up the biology of trees, because trees bear fruit. I found this great blog called The Green Man, which provided helpful insights to my short deployment into these fascinating trunks of treasure (ha, get it?)

I looked at a powerpoint presentation that a professor from the University of Florida offered and in his summary, he stated that "Trees are a long-term investment, they live longer, grow taller, and can respond to damage, disease, insects, and environmental conditions successfully because of the way they grow."

If you cannot see where I am going, fear not because I will explain. Jesus is calling us to be trees that bear fruit, in fact I'm pretty sure he promises that if we seek Him, he will make us fruitful. But it is a process and I am forgetting that so much these days, maybe I have just been forgetting that my whole life so that, in His grace, I have to be reminded of it daily. I have a feeling Levi would make fun of me for saying this but I want to be a tree. I want to endure, be patient with myself, let Jesus heal damages, and prayerfully fight off disease. I want to respond faithfully to "environmental conditions" or to the greater things that I have no power in or over. Whether or not I grow into something beautiful is beside the point, because the labor and pain that it takes for a tree to bear fruit is where I want to find my joy.

This is when I should probably get my hands dirty and finish my homework.

May those of you who are reading this find moments of peace and gratitude today.

be still.

2008-10-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

A good friend told me to write more, so I guess I will. I know that I said this blog was for traveling purposes only and it will remain that, however, I love words - the way they become melodic off of a dear friend's tongue when she is telling a humble story or brutal when they reveal Truth, the manner in which certain ones seem to sneak into our memories and are drawn up when something brillant happens, or when they are crafted into a rich song or sheepsihly forced into an annoying jingle, the way they build up and tear down for good or for ill. So I guess this will also be an exercise in my responsibility for these dear words.

Sometimes I wish I could take people with me on my journey, like if they could see it from my perspective, inside my head. And I wish I could go with some of the people I love on their own. I would love to discover how they connect interactions, events, memories, I guess how they narrate this life - especially women.

Tonight, there was an event at Westmont where some women just gathered to be together. There was no pressure to break down or to have some wisdom to offer, no nothing at all, just the desire to be in the same room with other women, existing and being found in Someone else. I remember going to this event as a freshmen; I was harsh and jumpy and needy. I wanted someone to love me, let me cry, and unload on them. I'm not saying that this is wrong, no, all that is good and has its place and should probably happen more. But somewhere since that time and the time tonight my soul has been quieted. And I am sure I could think of many things that are "going on" in my life - things that might cause me pain or grief or even extreme happiness, but I won't because I sense that this quietness is good and it will pass too just like the intensity of my first year at Westmont did.

"come all who are weary and I will give you rest"
and He really does.

Monday always comes.

2008-10-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

There is a release that takes place around 3:00 on Friday afternoon. You can feel people settling into the abundance that less responsibility brings. Come Sunday, however, that has long passed and a film of heaviness creeps in at around 5:00 in the evening. And then we pretend to rest and wake up running into the week. I wonder if this routine is natural sometimes. Because I do not know, I usually end up its victim, like I so willing was this morning. Taking my wrecked car (no no, its all fine) to the mechanic, scurrying through breakfast, quickly walking to chapel, and then stopping because I just didn't want to do anything anymore. This could reflect my lack of endurance, but I like to think not.

All I wanted was to be alone at this point in the day, which was really only 11:35 am. And that's what I did, on a bike of course where I pretended for a moment that my feet would never again touch the merciless, hard ground.

I cannot ride my bike forever (partly because I borrowed it). I have to get off, put down the kick-stand, place my feet on the road, and walk. I had an experience this weekend that has forced me to realize this more and more since it happened. The details are not worth mentioning here, but if I have any hope at all concerning them, it lies in the prayers of my brothers and sisters. And so I ask you to please pray for those who have been shackled by the cycles of deceit and oppression and for women everywhere who have no one showing them their beauty and strength.

May our feet and our knees know the ground well.

welp.

2008-09-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

just had the Israel meeting.

all I can say is...it rules.

updates to come.

nothing at all.

2008-09-23T21:09:00.001-07:00

Well, I do not have much to deposit in this blank, white space, although I think it is beige to your eyes. At least I do not have anything that is interesting.

I should tell you though, that the Israel meeting is tomorrow night. I finished that wretched Spanish paper about a week ago now and I have been continually surprised by the eyesight I have been given the past couple of days.

Do you know what I am talking about? It's like when you can see. It's like at noon when the fog is supposed to roll out but it rolls in harder, but for some reason the Divine has bestowed blessing upon your day and you open your eyes wide and you don't see just the fog, but rather dew drops and wet petals and bare-feet in the damp grass and a good smile from someone who has enjoyed more sleep then usual. And maybe the sun will come out, but if it doesn't your cup overflows.

Thank you.

things unwanted.

2008-09-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am in the library right now and like I have been recently, I am wrestling with myself about how to finish this Spanish paper that has become my keeper. This wrestling usually leads to me walking away hastily towards a map or a colorful picture highlighting warm, brown skin and incandescent eyes.

I am going to Ecuador next fall. I just started the application yesterday and have a meeting next Wednesday. It feels good to have made a decision but as always my heart is anxious.

I also have a meeting about Israel Mayterm next week. 35 days of backpacking, good people, and hard questions couldn't sound any better right now.

I could brief you on all the unwanted things that make up my life right now: papers, routines, buildings, a lack of adventure, the longing for my friends abroad, but if I am going to make the transition from my feet to my knees then I will remind you and myself that we are the beloved of the most beautiful God. As I so forcefully and pathetically try to push good things away from my weak body, I hear a whisper speak, "You are here because you are wanted."

May we not run from this love.

a new idea.

2008-09-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

I might be forgetting about this blog in a matter of days, seeing that I have recently thought about just going to Ecuador in the fall of my senior year. This means the only place I would be traveling this spring would be to Israel on Mayterm. The Ecuador program starts in July so I would have a short summer.

It is sounding better and better as time passes.

ciao.

empezamos

2008-09-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Welp, it's all started and there is no turning back now. Classes, and the DC, and chapel, and dorm life, and westmont lingo, and chapel (I said that already)...oh and goodness, lots and lots of goodness. It's like walking outside with bare shoulders and feeling the rays of the sun slowly send tingles up and down your skin. It does not come quickly and it takes focus to appreciate it.

I was supposed to meet with my advisor today about going abroad but she canceled, but it will possibly happen later today. Still, there is no resolve. Hopefully she can point me in the right direction or just chose for me, that would be great. I have four hours of spanish on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it is painfully awesome.

There is a beautiful tuberose in a pretty recycled bottle on my desk right now. The bottle is green and the mexican flower is white. These are the little things Westmont brings to mi vida.

Until later, peace and grace.

2008-08-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

I really like to dream about all the things I could do with my life. If you know me well, then you have witnessed this and probably wanted me to shut up or been really interested and decided to join me along the way. Anyway, I have a sweet idea. I just saw this movie called Bottle Shock and it is based on a true story about a father and son who own a winery in Napa in 1976. The main plot is that this British man comes to California to try this unorthodox wine in hopes of having a blind wine tasting with the finiest frenchmen to see if the California wine can compete. I won't ruin the ending but you could wikipedia all this because it's a bunch of interesting history.

So I want to purchase some vehicle that I can fit a mattress in and drive around the country and maybe down into South America and drink a bunch of wine. There are some problems, however. I am not 21 yet, I cannot go alone, and I don't know anything about wine except that there is red and white. If you know any good books that will help me pursue my dream, let me know...I turn 21 in February. I also want to run around in a vineyard with my best friends and laugh really hard and sleep outside and thank Jesus for good gifts. I guess today I will settle for the movie, my beautiful grandparents, and an evening walk.

Bound for the sun in Santa Barbara in only two days.

Random

2008-08-27T20:28:00.001-07:00

Here are some things I have thought about or witnessed today:

Tonight during dinner my grandma and grandpa bickered about the fact that my grandpa eats his hardboiled eggs in the mornings while driving to the office instead of sitting down at the table like a normal person.

Maddie left for Spain two days ago. Oh man. We were both at an airport during this departure. She was going there and I was coming here. I miss her. It's funny to think about our friendship because we have come from polar opposite backgrounds. I think some how our trees were growing next to each other all along and being ripe, young apples ready to explore the world we fell to the ground and landed side by side.

I was in Target today for what seemed like a very long, long time. My grandma wanted to get me some things she thought I needed for school. I was thankful and also overwhelmed by my desire to want everything. I love clothes and I do not need them.

The cashier was this beautiful lady from Peru. She told me I would love Bolivia and that it is one of the most naturally attractive places she's ever been. She is moving to California sometime soon, maybe we will meet again.

I miss Zack and Sam.

football and futbol

2008-08-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

So right now I am sitting in the kitchen watching my stepmom prepare left overs which consist of chicken and dumplings, enchiladas, and cookie cake. Luckily, I had a banana and honey sandwich! We just got back from Sam's football game where I experienced a 'I am forty and single and am trying to hit on your stepmom' moment. (just so you know, my stepmom and my dad are divorced, but we are really close and my brothers live with her) It was awkward and funny and divorce is really sad. We don't know what reconciliation means. Zack is watching wrestling or something and thinks he is going pro and I just checked my email.

Today Sam and I kicked the soccer ball around. Amanda would have not been proud, but it was so good to play with him and laugh.

One of the emails I happen to open was from Barb Pointer, oh man she is great. She is the abroad go-to lady at Westmont. She emailed me the return dates for Bolivia and I would get home April 29th. How sweet is that! That means I would be home like a week and half before I would leave for Israel. I am going right now to look at the program again.

Tomorrow I leave for Florida and I am stoked to see my grandparents. My grandma is a funny one and I am sure our conversations will provide for some good blogging...or lame blogging because I really think this thing is only for my benefit.

Love ya'll.

Georgia on my mind

2008-08-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

whooaa, the past week has been intense and beautiful. I was at Young Life camp with five of my girls. After trying to fight my urge to just want to be a camper and play all day I sat back and watched the most amazing things happen in the hearts of those girls. But now I am in Suwanee, GA in my step-mom's bed about to rent a movie with my little brothers. I love it here. When I got off the plane last night, I made my way to the ever-familiar train and up the escalator (which by the way, is the biggest escalator ever...I am not kidding) and waiting there was this tall semi-man, that would be Zack, and Sam and Michelle. Zack is so big. It's crazy! I can't believe he is a freshmen in highschool this year. I can't believe he is getting facial hair. He's taller than me. It was sweet to my soul to hug him tight and mess around with him while we waited for my bag. Today is Sam's birthday and we went to church this morning and now Michelle is making some chicken and dumplings and sweet tea. The clouds have decided to cover the sun and rain is on its way.

I just watched the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and am freaking out. Ana if you read this just know that epic things are in store.

Still no resolve on where I am going to go in January, although I did get an email from the Bolivia program and they are trying figure out when it ends. If it ends in time for me to go to Israel it might be first on my list.

May the rain bring goodness.

I love this house.

2008-08-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

This summer I have lived with Dan and Karen Ribbens. They are those people that never look for someone to commend them. They just give their hearts and lives away in full service and obedience. After being downtown looking for a battery charger for my camera (my attempt was unsuccessful because the going rate is like $69.99) I gladly pulled into the long drive of this house that has been home for the past three months. It started to sink in that this was probably the last time I would pull in and settle into my room since I am leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for camp. It was very sad. I love and hate change. I know there is growth around the corner but oh! to stay in this place forever and look at the mountains and eat homegrown fruit and vegetables. I hope being here will stay with me so that Karen and Dan's selfless love with help me love others well. I think if I ever get married I might have it in their backyard. Until later.

My friend Eric is also going to Ecuador in January and he just told me. I can't make up my mind...dang it! My life is hard...not really.

calm before the storm.

2008-08-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up unsettled. You know that feeling when you wish you were more excited about something even though there are plenty of things to be excited about. I have to do a lot of little things today, and my head is not in them. I am going to a Young Life camp this Sunday with six girls expecting to see goodness and get out of my own unsatisfying bubble. I am not cynical, I promise. After camp I am headed to Georgia to wrap my grateful arms around my two favorite people, my little brothers. With only three days to spare, I hope we get into trouble and have a sweet adventure together. I am in need of those boys. Then to Florida to be with the g-parents. It should be a whole lot of traveling. In my dream world, my whole family lives on the same block and we cook and play frisbee all day long and the only airplanes that exist are the ones we make with paper. Maybe I will get excited about this dream world for today. Until then, peace and grace.