I babysit a little girl named Isabella whose mother is a Westmont professor. She is turning eight in July and we will celebrate her birthday in London together. I am traveling with her family as a nanny so her mom can finish her PHD research. A very massive, unexpected gift from God.
I am babysitting tonight actually. Earlier today I called her mom, Jamie, to let her know "what happened," meaning that Pecos and I have decided not to stay together. Jamie is very good with words, an English professor, so I figured she would help Isabella understand why Pecos won't be coming over for dinner or playing horses with her and also why it is important to be sensitive to me. Of course the first words out of Isabella's mouth as I walked in were, "Katie, what happened?" She looked so puzzled and angry. Her little form was comforting. Jamie just put her hand on the small of my back gave me that, "I am so sorry face."
In that moment I couldn't say very much, but Isabella has gone to bed and perhaps now I can thank her for her abrupt speech.
I don't know what happened, Isabella. All I really know today is that God is faithful. All I knew yesterday and the day before was how to follow and not how to understand that faithful God of ours. Maybe in the coming weeks I will gain some clarity and insight, but perhaps not.
Isabella is a very independent little girl, highly intelligent, disturbingly creative, sneaky and deeply caring. She was allowed to pick out a show before bed and she found it fitting to choose "BugsTime: Joy to the World." This is basically the story of Christmas told through the perspective of ants, strange yet provocative. Weepy and feeling nauseatingly empty I slowly unfolded on the couch allowing this cartoon plus Isabella's soft smile to remind me that I'm okay.
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